Building Relationships After Disconnection

Shannon Martin 0:00

Hello , beautiful , welcome to today's conversation where we're going to talk about continuing to build relationships after feelings of disconnection . Let's talk about it . I'm your host , Shannon Martin , and welcome to today's episode of This Thing Called Wellness . Welcome back . Last week we talked about building a support system that sustains you and how we need to be open and ready to build and nourish those new relationships that we are creating by being isolated and totally disconnected from our world . It's super important that we take our time in our reconnection process . Our reconnect is pivotal to our mental state . Many think it is easy to step back into the world after a season of loneliness and disconnection . It may seem that way , but sometimes it may cause more anxiety and isolation than before .

Shannon Martin 0:56

Before my breakdown , I was somewhat of an introvert and a very quiet person . I only began to open up when I joined the military and began traveling the country with my family . I had no choice but to speak up for myself at times , but then I'd revert back to my shell . So when I was diagnosed , it was very easy for me to tuck myself away . One thing I asked myself when I began to ask the hard questions was why didn't I have girlfriends ? You know , when you see Galantines Day celebrated , I looked at it like I don't have anyone to celebrate with . I don't have girlfriends that I can travel with and got with or go to brunch with and I truly never understood why . I knew that I was quiet , but I had a couple of girlfriends in high school and made great friends in the military and throughout my travels , but I never made any friends that stayed the course . I heard Michelle Obama talking to Oprah about how she had steady girlfriends that are part of her kitchen table . She goes through various seasons of her life . She seems to pick up a person or two who stays the course and they stay together regularly and travel and discuss their life . I never experienced that and I began to wonder why . friendships between women . As any woman will tell you , are built of thousand small kindnesses , swapped back and forth and over again . Michelle Obama , looking back when I was growing up , I always had more bad relationships with women than I did with men .

Shannon Martin 2:37

As quiet as I was , I seemed to attract mean girls . You know the mean girls who wanted to beat you up because the boy they liked doesn't like their friend but likes you , or the ones who gossip about you and spread rumors when they didn't even know you . Even when my best friend began to tell all my secrets to someone I didn't even like who later came back to let me know hey , she's talking about you hard , I know everything that you have told her and I , like you , I have always wanted to be your friend . So I couldn't stand to hear her talk about you anymore and I will tell her what I'm telling you and I want you to know . She's not your friend , and at that time it crushed my spirit . After all , I was in high school , right , and I love this girl like a sister . But I realized then that I was a better friend to her than she was to me , all because she was envious of me , because I had a boyfriend who happened to be Mr . Popular in high school .

Shannon Martin 3:36

I didn't realize I had pushed these emotions down and totally forgotten about them . I forgot how they made me feel . I packed them in so tightly that even a flashlight couldn't find them . As I think about this , I realize how hurt and angry I was . I have or had always been a better friend to most and looking back , I know this is where my disconnect in friendships and relationships started . I didn't like to nurture relationships . I didn't even know what that meant anymore . I just cut myself off and did small conversation chats , which led to my becoming socially inept . When I began networking for my business , I realized that I wasn't fully comfortable creating relationships anymore . I became unsure of myself in a world of events that were heavily women-based . I was either too eager to make connections or making the wrong decisions by not understanding the process and being taken advantage of and losing money . So I decided that I would take a step back and think about the connections I truly wanted to make , but it all went back to the disconnect I had with my earlier friendships .

Shannon Martin 4:46

Now that I am mature and healing , I am taking my time getting to know my emotions and truly understanding them , while acknowledging how the past has shaped my actions . The key to understanding was acknowledging my past and healing from those unresolved emotions . Through therapy and personal growth , I started to understand who I was internally . I am still learning who Shannon is and I am glad that I am finally accepting her for who she is and is becoming , that I respect her space and that I am not rushing to connect . I am creating boundaries , allowing God to guide my steps in meeting others . At the times I am supposed to , I have sought solitude to process my thoughts and deepen my self-awareness . I am loving on myself and giving myself some self-compassion when I need it . I am reflecting and being mindful of my actions so that , when I am ready to connect , I have done the internal work , so that I am ready to receive the relationship and decide if it is one I can build and nurture .

Shannon Martin 5:57

We should always have three friends in our lives; one who walks ahead, who we look up and follow; one who walks beside us , who is with us every step of our journey , and then one who we reach back and bring along after we've cleared the way Michelle Obama . I never thought that I would get to this point in my life where I approach life with curiosity . This is totally new to me and I am enjoying the paths I have been placed on with God's grace , therapy and self-awareness . I am beginning to see my life differently now . I have become more open to the idea of friendship . I am slowly beginning to build my kitchen table consisting of beautiful women who are strong in their faith , strong in their businesses or careers and believe in nurturing their friendships I have slowly been releasing the pain attached to old relationships , which has helped me embrace new , positive ones I still use boundaries and I am not so quick to jump and I am able to discern when it is time for me to rest , Mindful Moment .

Shannon Martin 7:07

Looking back on past friendships , or what I believed were friendships , I understand now that that was a journey I needed to take . I needed to understand that every relationship wasn't meant to be but for a season . Sometimes a person is only meant to be in your life to teach you the lesson that was meant to be taught and you move on . Some stay and most leave . I had some great relationships in my travels that I would cherish and have great memories of . They weren't meant to be a part of my kitchen table . The relationships I am currently aware of and building are incredibly meaningful to me . I see these connections as vital and I am committed to nurturing them and keeping them as part of my life .

Rebuilding and Reconnecting

Shannon Martin 7:53

Getting to this point for me is huge . I never thought I would be in this space of rebuilding and reconnecting . Our journey is our own . Reconnecting is an ongoing process . It will be filled with ups and downs and some good times along the way . Take your time , always set your boundaries and always explore your emotions . I hope you have enjoyed this week's conversation . I am your host , Shannon Martin . Join us next Wednesday when we talk about Supporting Loved Ones Through their Mental Health Journey . If you enjoyed today's episode , please share with someone you think would like to join the conversation . Disclaimer I am not a licensed mental health professional . The information provided here is for general informational purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for professional mental health advice , diagnosis or treatment . If you need help , please consult a qualified mental health professional .