Managing Anger

Shannon Martin 0:00

Hello , beautiful , welcome to today's conversation where we're going to talk about managing your anger . Let's talk about it . I'm your host , Shannon Martin , and welcome to today's episode of This Thing Called Wellness . Again , I hope you had a fun Halloween . I enjoy watching the little ones dress up as their favorite heroes . It's even more fun when the family joins in , and we did great this year , y'all . We actually gave away all the candy , except for a handful . It's so awesome , so we just have a little handful left over . Great for us . So last week we talked about how family support is a blessing and how their support brings awareness to their mental well-being . We just have to make sure there's a balance and everyone's needs are addressed and cared for at all times . This week we'll talk about how to manage our anger .

Shannon Martin 0:55

I know it's been a little bit of a struggle for me lately . I first thought it was due to menopause or high stress at times , but after talking to my obstetrician , it wasn't due to the pause it had a little bit to due with stress but because it kept happening and especially my husband noticing I needed to get this looked at , and he said I was beginning to have an ugly disposition who Me , I know right . So I was talking to my doctor and my therapist . I found out that it was due to my trauma and past experiences . I had pushed down and packed it into these little neat packages that I had wrapped up real pretty a nice with a bow on top and pushed it into a closet Nice and neat , put it in the closet and closed the door . I never thought about them again .

Shannon Martin 1:47

But as I was going through my counseling , I was beginning to finally unpack my emotions and trauma that I had honestly forgotten about . What was happening to me was that certain situations and words were triggering me . They were bringing up old emotions I hadn't properly healed from and I hadn't addressed how I had been mistreated , how harshly I had been spoken to or how I allowed myself to be treated . I was a people pleaser and if I didn't perform the way they wanted me to , I was talked down to or treated badly . This continued for years , for my childhood until my adult years .

Shannon Martin 2:26

I had become so dependent on this type of treatment that I expected it and as usual , they apologized for it . It was often with a gift or a favor in some way , and later , when I began to heal and unpack , I realized how toxic this behavior was to me and I had been trained to accept and deal with it for many years . Now those behaviors are beginning to trigger me and I became enraged . For days on end I'd go to sleep angry and wake up angry . That wasn't me and I needed help . For every minute you remain angry , you give up 60 seconds of peace of mind , anonymous .

Shannon Martin 3:05

My doctor eventually prescribed medication for my anger while I continued to unpack my emotions through therapy so that I am not a volcano about to erupt over here and I'm able to help keep myself calm . But another situation took me over the top again and I had to sit with it for a while . This time the trigger was so deep that I was very exhausted from it . For a few days I kept remembering what my first doctor told me I have to try and maintain my calm . Too much stress and anxiety attacks can cause additional stress on my heart and cause other heart health concerns . I don't worry about it that much , but it's always in the back of my mind , which is why I try hard to stay as balanced as possible , one day at a time . But this situation triggered me hard and I'm proud of myself because I now have the tools to allow myself to feel my emotions , sit with them for a while and truly ask myself why am I feeling like this ?

Shannon Martin 4:11

What is the reason I'm so angry ? We're one of the families that's often asked for help and we don't mind at all . If we're blessed to have it , we will give what we can . That's how my husband and I were raised For this particular day . I wasn't trying to hear it , I was tired of it , fed up , just plain angry . My lava was overflowing , y'all . I mean , I had a full out eruption . I was disappointed in myself for being that way . So I sat with this feeling for a couple of days . When I talked to my therapist about it , it was a trigger that I had packed down deep that resurfaced through that one act of asking for help . We all needed help at times . So what was wrong with me ?

Shannon Martin 4:54

After I realized it was my past trauma . Coming from a bad place of lack and need . I slowly started to feel better . My fatigue was still there , but I wasn't so angry with my husband for still having that giving heart . God had provided us with what we needed and we were in a position to help , and I was happy that we were able to do so . I started to think about me and how I was going to look at this situation and heal from it . So I'm putting a plan in action and doing it for me , not for anyone else but me .

Shannon Martin 5:24

My mother used to say you got yourself into this situation . You can always get yourself out of it , with , god's help , all you need to do is make one step , he'll make two . I never forgot that and that's what I've decided to do Create my own , whatever it is I need , and continue to do it . For me , the root of anger is the perception that something has been taken . Andy Stanley , creating my own whatever has always been in the back of my mind . I always took care of everyone else . Literally . That was another trigger of anger for me . I had others that I put before me . Now this is not an issue anymore . I had to do a mind shift and put my needs and desires first . I'm not waiting on anyone else to tell me that I can dream . I don't have to depend on anyone to rescue me . I can do all things through Christ , who strengthens me .

Shannon Martin 6:18

My focus had been on everyone else for so long that I hadn't imagined cheering and investing or doing things just for me . I talk about it and think about it , but old habits truly die hard . After this last episode , I knew it was my wake up call , telling me girl , this is the time to shift towards you , it's time to invest in you , to pour into you , love on you and to be a little more selfish for you . And you know what . It's okay , I'm a work in progress , but this will be my I AM mantra for a long time , until I see consistent progress in me , loving on me more . I truly believe that's where this anger stemmed from . The feeling of being trapped and not moving forward and feeling happiness for so long was overwhelming and I was desperately wanting it , whatever that means for me . I am the controller of my ship and I decide which direction it will go in with the Lord's guidance . Mindful Moment .

Shannon Martin 7:24

Learning to control our anger is another one that's going to take a while to process and get a grasp on . We will always have to pause , take a moment to sit with it , ask ourselves why we feel this way and really understand the emotion or trauma that's attached to it , work it out within and shift while healing . This past anger outburst made me realize an emotion or feeling of lack I had been holding on to for years . I was so used to being codependent that I forgot I had the power within to bring my own dreams and goals to life . I have done it before , what is so different today . Where did that person go ? Where is she ? I am in the process of healing and becoming a better healed version of myself , and I am loving the journey , but it's a tough one . It has a lot of tears , a lot of prayers and a lot of doubts some days , but I hold steadfast . I keep moving forward , trying again , knowing that tomorrow is another day to try again , another day to smile , another day to shine and another day to thank the Lord for bringing me this far . Keep going beautiful , you are worth it . And remember to smile . If you can smile , you've won half the battle .

Shannon D Wellness Updates

Shannon Martin 8:44

I hope you've enjoyed this week's conversation . I'm your host , Shannon Martin . Join us next Wednesday when we talk about Taming , your Inner Critic . If you enjoyed today's conversation , please share and leave a review on Apple . Hey , our Hello Wellness Boxes will be available for pre-order soon . To be in the know , sign up for our email waitlist . The link is in the show notes and is located in our social media bios at Shannon D Wellness . Stay tuned , we have a lot of exciting things in store .