Shannon D Martin: 0:00

Hello, beautiful Welcome to today's conversation where we're going to talk about self-restoration. Let's talk about it. I'm your host, Shannon Martin, and welcome to today's episode of this Thing Called Wellness. Welcome back, everyone. I hope you have been having a wonderful start to your week and you are doing well.

Shannon D Martin: 0:24

I've been doing life as good as I can. And today I wanted to talk about something that has been on my mind and I think I've kind of felt it for for a great while now and I haven't really done anything about it. But it's about being comfortable. You know, something happened that I really can't disclose, but something happened where it shook me to my core. And I began to think about If I'm comfortable where I am, if I'm comfortable in my life, meaning the position in my life, meaning like having the time to sit and think about what I want to do, like talking to you all, for instance, and simply how I want to move about my day, because, as I've said before, I was a stay-at-home mom. So my life was really hectic and chaotic and interesting because it was all about the kids, it was all about their lives, all about making sure that I was volunteering and eating lunch, dinners, all the things. And then as they began to get older and my mom began to get older, it became more of a caregiver role, along with some duties, because I still had my youngest at home. And, of course, during the earlier part of my marriage, I was married to a military soldier, and when you're married to, you're married to the military. I was a soldier as well, but when I got out I was still in the military with this person. So my life back then was busy. So now I'm in a space where I'm healing and recovering and looking to renew myself. I'm going into my entrepreneurial space. I do have a position that I work. So I'm in this place where I can maneuver my time if you will, and I'm working on making a schedule for myself, because I've been kind of floating for a while with my illness and I being empty nesters. I really haven't had a need for a schedule. My husband's job is demanding and I can pretty much have I don't want to say free reign, but kind of.

Shannon D Martin: 3:07

So when this incident happened, it kind of shook me. My livelihood was threatened and I just sat there like what is really going on here? God, why is this happening now? And part of it? I just didn't understand it and at the time I was sick, which is why I didn't record last week because I really I sounded like I had a bug in my throat, because it was horrible. I don't know what's going around, but I caught it.

Shannon D Martin: 3:38

And then when this happened, I was having panic attacks back to back and it seemed like I just could not. So that's when I remembered the episode I was going to talk about was self-restoration, which is really ironic, because I needed to go into that mode. I had to go into self-restoration mode and I had to slow down this train wreck before it totally goes off rails and I'm in the emergency room and maybe I have to check myself in somewhere, and I had to stop. I had to stop and so, as I was sitting there, I was saying to myself you know, I'm very private about certain things, except for the things that I share with you guys, because I'm pretty transparent in everything, especially when it comes to my mental health, my journey, what's going on in my life, because it's life and this is me beginning to walk this wellness journey. So when this happened, I just had to pause. I had to go into restoration mode, and I know this has happened to you and in parts of your life. And so the first thing I did was I went to sleep and I woke up and I began to pray, and I said well, let me talk to my friends and I don't like to tell my business, because when you tell your business to people, it gets out of hand. But I'm at a later stage in my life and the friends that I have now were not like the people that I had before. Thank God for that, because there is so much more understanding, so much more spiritual and so much more.

Shannon D Martin: 5:28

Not really trying to get to know everything, but just asking how are you? First of all, how are you handling this? How's your health? What are you doing? Do I need to come over there? Do you need any money? What is it that you need? I'm listening. So I talked to them about that and I'm so glad I did, because it relieved a lot of pressure and stress and worry for me. Next, I talked to my children and they were so supportive and keep your head up, mom, be strong, we're here to support you whichever way we can and family members who've gone through things like that. I've talked to them as well and that support is what I needed to hear.

Shannon D Martin: 6:16

So when I stopped and I said, okay, let me talk to family, but before that I pulled out my journal and I did a post about this, because I needed to journal, I needed to get all those emotions, all those feelings, all the anger, all the shame, all the whatever it was that was going on in my head and in my mind, because I'm one of those people that I'm always in my head is what the counselor told me. You're always in your head, so you need to journal. And if you're one of those people that is always in your head, you need to find a way to get it out of your head Because if not, it's going to continue to make you ill. So I journaled, I pulled out my devotionals and I went down each devotional and I prayed and I journaled. And it wasn't a typical dear journal type of thing, because when I journal somehow, as I always say, I always start out with Lord, help me, lord, this is how the day went.

Shannon D Martin: 7:16

My journal always ends up where I'm talking to God, somehow, always talking to him about what's going on with the day and this particular journal. I just had to ask him God, what are you showing me now? What is this point in my life now? Why is this happening now? What are you showing me? And I believe when I sat there because I've been in silence and by myself for a while, as I laid in bed for that week because it took everything out of me, I said you need to be silent, you need to listen. And I said, God, you're shaking me out of my comfort zone. I have been comfortable with just being that. I didn't check what I wanted to do.

Shannon D Martin: 8:09

Everybody always asks you where do you see yourself in five years? I never gave it any thought because I never really thought about where do I see myself in five years, because I always just thought I see myself here in this one spot, being a mother, being a wife, being right. Of course I have my business, endeavors and that, but what if that didn't happen? Or what if something else happens? And I have to put that to the side. I always knew that I would be these two things, so I always put myself in that box of just being those two things a mom and a wife.

Shannon D Martin: 8:46

I never thought about what I wanted. I never thought about what else do I want to strive for. I never thought about being more independent. I never thought about any of that. It was in the back of my mind. But I was comfortable and I said, Lord, this is meant to shake me, to realize that you have to get uncomfortable to be comfortable with who you are. I didn't know that it was going to take this to do that, so I sat down and I journaled more and I just kept asking the questions so what else are you showing me?

Shannon D Martin: 9:27

I was talking to my dad and he said once again do you remember how strong your mother was? Do you remember how strong she was? You are her child and you stand up on your feet and you be strong. You are her child. And through this whole time I knew that God was leading me and I was being led by my mother's prayers. She was leading me somehow and that I was going to be okay. It hurts, but I was going to be okay. And he said if you ever need me, you know where I am, call me, I'm here for you.

Shannon D Martin: 10:08

So, too, I journaled, read my devotionals, been closer to my God to understand what this is, and now I know what it is. It's to get me to the place where he's trying to get me. And then I rested. I simply rested. I know that's not helpful at all, but I rested. I took my medication and I ate healthy. I really wasn't hungry anyway. So I ate my salads and I ate light things, because I wasn't hungry and I just couldn't really eat, but I made sure I stayed hydrated. I made sure that I ate. My friends checked on me every day, two, three times a day, making sure I was okay. Do I need to come get you? How you doing, girl? So I rested, and sometimes you need to rest.

Shannon D Martin: 10:59

I was still sitting there, just in quiet. The TV was silent and I would just lay there and pray and cry and just continue to say, Lord, guide my steps in this next process, this next phase of the life you're getting me prepared for, because my mind was always just racing. This made it stop. This made it pause for a moment. This made me think about my future, not someone else's, not the children's, not my mother's, not anyone else's, but MY future. It made me ask myself what do I want? What do I need? What do I desire? And I never gave that any thought.

Shannon D Martin: 11:46

I was just floating through life these last 11 years in my illness, and it's no fault of anything, no fault of mine, no fault of nothing. It is what it is. I was sick for a very long time. I could not function well within that time period. I was numb to everything.

Shannon D Martin: 12:08

And this situation has awakened me. It has shaken my pores. It's just like it's oozing out of me now. It's to the point where I don't even cry anymore the tears. Remember Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam, the song I'm all cried out. I'm all cried out because I don't need to cry anymore.

Shannon D Martin: 12:33

I know the reason, Lord. I know the reason now why this is happening. I know what you're showing me. I know the reason why I had to go back into self-restoration. I know the reason why I had to rest. I know the reason why now I have to do and I'm going to need your help because it's going to be hard, but I know that I needed it.

Shannon D Martin: 12:55

Now, mentally, I'm going to have to still monitor my wellness. I'm going to have to do the things that I have to do because I'm still fragile, you know, still there. But it's okay, I'm aware of it. Now I am in tune with it. Now I can feel it coming up and I know how to kind of contain it better. I know the steps I need to do.

Shannon D Martin: 13:24

And when I know that those steps aren't working, okay, what's the next thing I got to do? The breathing isn't helping, which it usually does. Okay, let me go downstairs and get some tea. Okay, let me move around a little bit, which I did. I did some laundry, made my little breakfast, sat around, listened to my worship music and I was just in tune with myself for the first time in years, in years y'all.

Shannon D Martin: 13:49

I was in tune with myself in the quiet. Everything was off in the house, nothing was on, it was just me and God, and I sat in my silence and I asked him to continue to show me what you need to show me and guide me, because I'm going to need it. I'm going to need your strength, I'm going to need your courage. I'm going to need all of those things and help me pivot the way I need to pivot. So when you find yourself in this position that's something that's so hard. Be it grief, be it whatever it is. That's life-changing. Pause. Pray, if you're a believer, Pray.

Shannon D Martin: 14:36

Talk people that you can confide in, that won't tell your business, that won't have all of your information out there in the streets, because I've had to happen to me before where I told one person that I thought I was confiding in and by the time I looked up, the whole family knew, the other family knew, everybody knew. Told one person. I was trying to think that that person had my back. So confide in someone that really has your back, that really is a supporter, that has support of you. If you're a person that's in your head, like me journal, walk, put it inside your phone. If you have a phone we carry, carry it all the time lock it so no one can get into it. They don't need to see what you're talking about. Lock that bad boy up, but sometimes I do that. If I have things I need to do, I'll write it down inside of my phone and I lock it and no one can see but me I'm a paper and pen girl, and I like to doodle and all the stuff. Sometimes the phone works just fine.

Shannon D Martin: 15:32

And the third thing rest. People can say what they want. Are you still in the bed? I sure am. I sure am, and I'm going to stay here until I'm ready to get up. And I stayed in that bed for a whole week and I medicated and I prayed and I slept, and now I'm on to the next step, whatever that is, but I'm better for it, because now I'm able to face it with a clear head, a clear mind and a peace within my spirit.

Shannon D Martin: 16:03

When I used to see that phrase all the time all is well within or peace within, however that phrase went. I have peace, all is well within my soul. I am at peace with myself. What do I got to lose? What else can do? So make sure that you're paying attention to yourself, that you're loving on yourself, that you're taking action and that you're doing your self-restoration when it is time to do that.

Shannon D Martin: 16:39

Sometimes we have so many things going on that we just really can't see it, but it's important to do so, because I was able to rest for that week because I had no one here. Some of us aren't able to do that, but try to take that time out, because if you don't, your body's going to make you do it. So be well, my friends, and we'll be back next Wednesday. You believe it's already almost May, my word to thee. Time is flying by and it is not waiting for no one. So we will be back next week with a different topic.

Shannon D Martin: 17:12

And stay well and thank you for tuning into this conversation with me, and if you enjoyed this conversation today, please like it on Apple Podcast and wherever you listen to, and I'm also on on the social media at Shannon D Wellness, and I will have a newsletter coming out soon because I need to find a way of asking you what you want to listen to. I need to be better in tune with you, to ask you what you like, what you want to hear, because I have some things coming up that I want to do with the podcast, but I want to make sure that is in line with what my listeners are wanting to hear. So that will be coming out soon, hopefully by the end of this month, so that I can start it out in May and you can know what's going on and we can keep things growing. But I do have a lot of ideas, but I also want to share that. So be tuned into my social media.

Speaker 1: 18:16

I do plan to have some things coming out to talk about those things as well, so I hope you have a wonderful day or evening, wherever you are, and, um yeah, see you next Wednesday. Love girl, bye-bye. Disclaimer I am not a licensed mental health professional. The information provided here is for general informational purposes only. It should not be considered a substitute for professional mental health advice, diagnosis or treatment. If you need help, please consult a qualified mental health professional.