Hello, beautiful. Welcome to today's conversation where we're going to talk about when you feel like life is falling apart, but you actually realize that it may just be falling together. Let's talk about it. I'm your host, Shannon Martin, and welcome to today's episode of this thing called Wellness. I hope you all had a wonderful Labor Day weekend. I know that I had a really restful one, even though I still feel kind of tired, but I had a really great time just relaxing and enjoying myself. But you know, today, when I was looking at, doing, um, this episode, I really didn't know what I wanted to talk about. These past couple of weeks, I've been kind of in a, I don't know if you want to call it a funk or just in not a good place. So many things have happened lately that I feel like my life is just simply falling apart, in a sense that

it's like everything is just hitting me all at one time again. And you know, I was just asking God, like, what is really going on? What is going on with my life here? Why is all of this happening right now? You know, when you're still in the period of grieving and you're still trying to stay out of the loop of mental health, you know, just going backwards. I just asked myself, like, why is all this happening to me right now? And the things that happened were, were that my husband and I, we're not seeing eye to eye right now, and I'm not sure if we're gonna come out of this, but, um, that's really hit me hard. And then, like, I'm still having issues with my blood clot issues. I didn't know if I have more testing to do, but 

One issue is that the scarring is gone, but one of my tests came back negative, so I still have to go back in and make sure that everything's okay. Three, you know, since my house is kind of shaken up a little bit, you know, the kids kind of don't know where they fit, and they've been kind of doing their own thing this summer. And, you know, I've been kind of in my still, quiet moment, where it's just been me and my and my little lily, so just been the two of us. And then on top of all of that, the last couple of weeks, I just haven't really been well, so I was just like, What is going on?

And add insult to injury, it seems like everything in the house is just like. The foundation is literally shaking apart. It's like, you know, the dishwasher is, um, leaking. The refrigerator is popping, the garage door, it doesn't want to go up. And I'm just like, Oh my God. Why is everything happening at one time? And it made me think when mom said, you know, it always happens in threes. It always happens in threes, you know, so three things happen at the same time. That just makes life seem like it's just coming to a halt. And for a moment, it did come to a halt for me, and I balled up for a moment, but I kept trying to move on. 

But it's like these last couple of weeks really, just really hit me hard. And I'm still kind of in a space where I'm functioning, but I'm functioning just to just enough, you know. 

So when I thought about today, what I would talk about, I was thinking about that and thinking about how I just wanted to sit for a while, but something said, Don't you dare Don't you dare sit down. Don't you dare do it. You have to keep pushing on. I don't know where that came from, but I knew that if I succumbed to all of this, that I was going to go backwards. So I was thinking out loud, and I was having my therapy session, and I said, You know what this is showing me, that this second half of my life, the second half, or the actually, the other half, what do you want to call it, is really showing me that I have so much more to do. There's so much more that I want to do. I sat with myself for a while, because I, like, took a week off to just reflect, and I just wanted to ask myself, what was the last episode I talked about? You know, when you've done all the work for your family, you've done all the caretaking, if you've taken care of your family, and you're taking care of your loved ones, and now is your time, and you're trying to figure out what that thing is. And I sat there the next week and I started to ask myself, what is it that you know, asking the question, what do I want? And I realized a lot of the things I hadn't done and the things that I want to do, 

and I realized that I want to have fun, right? Seeing people live their lives and having a great time, it's fine, but I know that this pause that I'm having to endure right now is what I have to do to get to the next and so I thought about this quote that was on a little card. I don't know if it was an affirmation card, if it was, it was sort of like, I forgot what it was called, but it was something like it was like an affirmation card that I received. And the card said, when you think life is falling apart, it may actually be falling together. And I said, Lord, I think this is happening now that I'm having a moment where my life stopped briefly. Is it on pause? I'm having to do a lot of inner work that I talk about often. I've done it, but I haven't really had to go deep within. This is the time that I have to go down really deep, and it's shaking me to my core. It's shaking me to a point where I didn't know what was going to happen, because all of my identity and everything is in these years has been in this life, and now I have to create something that's new, that's interesting for me. And I didn't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. And when my son was asking me all those questions, it was making me realize that I hadn't done that in a while, and so all of this having to wait, and you know when you want to run, but you have to crawl and you have to take 20 steps back just to make 10 forward, I had to realize that that's what I have to do right now, that this is only going to last for a little bit, that this is going to be this is temporary, that all the things I want to do,

make a list of the things that you want to do right now. Girl, what do you want to do with yourself? Sit down to make that list, and then when the time comes and everything is settled, then let's get to work. Let's get to it. I didn't know. I didn't think about it in that way, that the shock of having to re-shift my whole self, my whole just shift my whole being, the whole person that I am, and really think about the next Half. The next half is being by myself. So that really    

made me really think about a lot of things, and how this whole time alone, this whole summer, I was really alone. I had my girlfriends, though, they would come and hang out. They would come take me and get me out the house and make sure that I was staying on task with, you know, my business, bestie, my best friend, and I call her my messenger Bestie, that's our nickname, because we messaged a lot. But they made sure that I was, they checked on me and made sure that everything was okay, and we had lunch and and all the things right that we went shopping and did our crafts and kept me going. And I'm thankful for that, because I don't think that I would have gotten through the summer without them. So they're still in my corner. They're still here, still checking on me, and I'm so thankful for them, because if I didn't have my sister circle, I just really don't know if I would have made it out of that the stillness of the summer, but I am very thankful that I had that time alone, to sit with myself again, and this time, it was a new a new a new thing for me. 

There's a new time for me to really go within and just talk to myself and just think about the things I want to do, I think, think about the things I didn't do, I haven't done and what I'm going to do with that. So then when it's my time to run and go out, back out in the sun and just enjoy this new half, I just want to be, I just want to be great, right? And I know that God is going to guide me in the right direction. So when I sat down to think about what the day was about, I wanted to ask you that when your life is really, really shaking you to your core, what do you do to pick yourself back up?

 I know I really, I really prayed, got to my prayer journal, did my coloring. I got a lot of really meditating, a lot of praying, and I really, you know, laughed a lot with my friends. They made me laugh a lot, and there's a lot of Netflix binge watching. I think I've watched a lot of everything. I still haven't watched, um, a couple of things, but I've been really watching a lot of things to get my mind off of everything. And I've been cooking more, which I don't like to do, because it's totally something that's it's a necessity to keep yourself alive, but I've been cooking more and a lot more healthy for myself, and I can feel the difference in that, but I really been taking time out with myself and just, I call it dating myself, just taking the time out to just to get to know me again. That's what this season is, is really teaching me, and it's stretching me a lot. It's giving me a lot of patience, a lot of time and a lot of forethought in what I want to do, and I have so much more that I want to do. So I don't want to let you know that even when you have a time in your life when it seems that everything is just falling apart and you want to cry, go ahead and cry, get it all out, journal it out, pray it out, walk it out like the songs is, walk it out and just really give yourself a hug every day, give yourself an affirmation every day, pick yourself up every day,  and just keep going,

Because it's going to be something fantastic at the end of it, I was reading in my prayer room saying, Just hope, hoping, God, that everything is going to turn out right. And that's what I believe, that everything is going to turn out right. That this is happening for a reason. It is making me stronger. It's making me love myself more, and it's making me understand more. So when you're in that position that you're just wanting to ball up, just keep getting up because tomorrow is another day to try again. Love ya girl. 

Join us next week where we have our first guest Melissa Flynt on September 18th where she will talk about the Gut Health Connection. That’s a conversation you don’t want to miss. 

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Disclaimer, I am not a licensed mental health professional. The information provided here is for general information purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for professional mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you need help please consult a qualified mental health professional.